A Travelin’ Girl Needs Space

Image

There’s something horribly unsettling (maybe I’m spoiled) about curling up on a public bus wondering if the person sitting next to you made that awful smell or if they are going to sleep on your shoulder or if they are the next zodiac killer…these are all things that run through my head.

My frequent trips to D.C. (yes ladies and gents, 4.5 hours on a stuffy, stinky bus) have been worth it, there’s no doubt. Yet, there’s something so idyllic about the comfort of a seat in your own car…your couch…your recliner…YOU DON’T NEED TO SHARE WITH STRANGERS. Well, unless you want to.

timthumb.php

Here are some tips and tricks to give yourself the most possible space and ward off the seat hogs, droolers and the like.

  1. Cough. Cough so horribly that people can’t help but think you’re going to give them swine flu. For effect, announce to your neighbor that you’ve just gotten over the WORST cold. It was SO awful.
  2. Phone a Friend. “No. You’re skinnier. Stop. STOP! You’re, like, the skinniest. NO. You are SO much prettier.”
  3. Starfish. Flail your arms and legs out like the little sea creature we know and love, noodling your limbs into the seat next to you. If anyone debates sitting down, flail further.
  4. Bus Buddies! Make BEST friends and talk about your entire day!
  5. Take the armrest. The middle one. Lean on it. You know you want to.